初到美国是怎样的感觉？

来自美国Xenia的投稿， 校对：Fatli
字数:1245 ， 读完本文:约5分钟

1. My first day of high school was one week after I arrived in the United States. When you come to a place that you do not know anything about and cannot understand what people are talking about, you may suppose that it is really a lousy place and you may sometimes want to commit a suicide. –I am not kidding. At some moments, I suddenly wanted to get out of the school. I could feel a terrific discussion coming on, and all the weird atmosphere around me. Everything around me was so strange; we were strangers to each other, we looked at each other in the eyes of queer. So, I really wanted to escape from that terrible situation.

2. Where I am going to tell you about is my first class, Living Environment. I came late because I spent a long time to find the classroom. I entered and introduced myself in poor English. The teacher gives me a nonchalant glance and asked me to sit at the back. Her looks kill me. I do not mean that she really killed me, you know, that is too severe for a new immigrant on her first day of school in a new country. Anyway, I was late for the class. The whole class I just sat there and looked around, and the teacher buzzed for the whole period. I could understand nothing about what she said. After the class, she asked me to stay a couple of minutes. I remembered that she asked me many questions at one time with her frequent, but ugly oral English. However, I did not understand even one word about what she said, and I just stood there with my freezing body. Then she became angry at me and asked me to leave. Her reaction really hurt me in my heart and I almost cried out at that moment.

3. Anyway, I finished my first day of school without knowing anything. It was that kind of a crazy day, terrifically boring, and no talking or anything, and I felt like I was invisible for the whole day. Everything around me was so strange and baldness. Actually, I was kind of feeling scared and helpless. I think everything in the school was in a very terrible way. I do not mean the school was really terrible, but it just gave me that kind of feeling. This feeling followed me everywhere, I could do nothing for it.
   Nothing is easy for a new immigrant to settle down in a new country; there always a lot of difficulties that need to be overcome –language problems, relationships, and culture difference, etc. All those things are obstacles for a new immigrant to start her new life. I realized how hard my future would become since I started my high school. I was scared and confused. I didn’t know what I should do and I did not know where I would go. Sometimes, I would just walk along the street with no purpose and no attention. As I walked on the street, all I felt was only loneliness and helplessness.

4. However, things change through time, I noticed that I had to do something make myself adjust to the new environment as soon as possible. I started to sit in the front of the classroom instead of sitting at the back – as the teacher had told me in my first day of class. I took down all the notes the teacher had written on the blackboard even though I did not really understand all the things she said. Then, after school, I would spend all my time to translate the notes into Chinese to make myself better understand . I kept doing these for all my class everyday after school no matter how hard it was. “Where there is a will, there is a way.” I finally got the highest score on the exam in my class. I still remember how surprised the teacher was, and she announced to the whole class that I was the one who got the highest grade. Then the whole class turned around and looked at me. I could see not only surprised but also some kind of doubt from their eyes. I really wanted to tell them that don’t think I was supposed to do worse than you. But I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think I should explain anything to them. I was so confident about myself at that moment so that I totally ignored how they thought about me.

5. After the exam, I found some interesting things had changed around me. The teacher began to “pay more attention” to me and some of the classmates started to talk with me and ask me questions. To be honest, I did not like that change at all. They became even more strange to me by acting in that way and made me kind of hate them. I had no idea about why they had changed. I just knew that I felt uncomfortable to stay with them. I even felt ridiculous about their change somehow. The funniest thing is that following every exam I took, I would be given a “special sit” and I had to sit very far away from all of the other classmates just like I did not belong to that classroom. The teacher gave me a reason for doing that, so the other students would not see my answer. I didn’t know if that was her real reason or not. But, don’t you think that sounds ridiculous?

6. After experiencing all these – fighting with myself to prove that I am the same person like most of the others around me and I can be the one who is admired but not suspected. I began to understand that people make assumptions about your ability to no reason. I know they sometimes would look down on me because I was only an immigrant who did not excel in English. However, I did not really care about what they did to me and how they thought about me because I thought they just did not understand my life all. I still did feel confused about my life sometimes but I did not afraid anymore. I just kept being myself and did what I have to do. I never tried to complain about them and I sometimes wanted to say thanks to those people who
   looked down on me because they pushed me to work even harder to prove myself that I can be the one who is admired but not suspected. I won’t tell you my life become easier now because it never seems easy for me at all. People would feel surprised when I told them that I just came to the United States about two years and I finished my high school and now I am here in the college with many of the peers.

7. I was very glad that I can have the chance to experience my different life story in this new country – the new home. They became the most important part of my life and they became the most beautiful memories in my heart – all were irreplaceable. I often wondered whether any of my experiences in this new country did not happen that I can still be the same person like I am now or not.